prepared.

 it's really setting in that she might make her appearance any time now. i'll be 36 weeks tomorrow and of course want her to stay in as long as possible, but i'm preparing as if it'll happen tomorrow. at school i now make sure i have EVERYTHING ready for the next day or so before i leave just in case. i reorganized everything to make it easy for whoever may have to come in at the last minute. if she hangs in there until her due date i know who my sub is, but before that will just be any old sub picking up the pieces. and  at home we're thinking about what needs to go in our overnight bags and trying to keep the house in order. all her things are put together and i think we're as "ready" as we'll ever be.

sleep.

...is not something i do at night anymore. here are the main reasons i think i'm not sleeping at night:

-- going to the bathroom every 5 minutes--ok, a little bit of an exaggeration
-- charlie horses
-- only sleeping on my sides is getting a little tiring, and really not that comfortable
-- hunger
-- my mind is racing
-- *she's moving around like crazy

i am really glad she's having a grand 'ol time in there. it means she's doing well and must be growing, but a good kick to the rib or a punch to the bladder does not make for good sleep. it's frustrating me not too badly this week since it's spring break. i tried to take a nap yesterday and that was unsuccessful too. hopefully if this keeps up i'll be able to get through a day with  6 year olds. when i get back to work i only have 5 more weeks with the kiddos... if she hangs on until the 23 that is. just keep telling myself that.

i'm not complaining. really, i'm not. i wouldn't trade a good night's sleep if it meant finley wasn't baking in there. :)

productivity.

i don't think of finley as a deadline, but i know there are things i need to get done before the big day arrives. and since you just never know when that will be, i'm trying to do everything now. i'd rather have it done now and just take it easy the weeks before.

so on my first day of spring break here is what i've done thus far (it's about 4:45):
* slept till 9 (on and off. ruby started barking from 6-7 b/c of a storm)
* made a vet appt.
* set up a time for the furniture people to come
* put together the pack n play
* 2 loads of laundry (which included taking tags off and organizing new baby clothes/bibs/sheets)
* sterilized a bunch of bottles and pacifiers
* took returns back to BBB
* picked up a prescription
* wrote all the thank you cards from saturday's shower (while watching sex and the city)

there are more things on the list to do this week, but i'm glad i have spring break to get a lot of things done. tomorrow we interview a pediatrician. we'll go armed with questions and hopefully leave knowing who's going to be Fin's doctor. She came recommended by a couple people and she's really close to us.

about 6 weeks to go!! and i can't wait till our 35 week appt. next monday. i'm so stinkin curious as to how she is inside me and how big she is. i'm a little anxious just b/c we haven't seen her since the 20 week appt (and the 35 week appt. seemed so far away at the time!!) but everytime i go to the doctor i'm measuring great and her heartbeats great so i know it'll be fine. it's just weird not to be able to see what's going on in there! and apparently i'm anemic now too. i just have to take iron pills so its no big deal.

i'm adding to my list of what i want to eat after:
- hot dogs
- captain toms seafood (i know i can eat seafood now, it's just that capt. toms is not exactly the cleanest place)

ninja.

well brandon has always wanted a ninja and i think he may just get one. she's practicing her moves daily, hourly really. my stomach looks like it has a mind of it's own. brandon and i sit there and just watch it (her, i guess). we can feel hard parts we're just not sure what we're feeling. i think i keep getting kicks in the rib cage. it seems she's trying to make more room in there. i try to sit up a little straighter to give her some space and make me a little more comfortable too. so our little ninja will be here in about 8 weeks. today someone asked me when i'm due and i answered "next month." THAT was weird and makes me very happy. not just b/c i'm getting a little (read, A LOT) more uncomfortable, but we can't wait to meet her.

since it's only about 8 weeks away i've started thinking about things i'm DYING to have that i haven't had in the last 32 weeks. here is what i'd like so far:
** sweet tea (HEB, Chik-Fil-A, McDonalds)
** turkey sandwich
** coffee. caffeinated.
** sushi (from hikari)
** white wine
** as much chocolate as i want

went to the dr. yesterday and everything still looks great. i gained 4 lbs which puts me at a total of 20 lbs. up to this point. i don't have to prick 4 times a day just twice. i had 2 pieces of pizza, cheese and crackers and M&Ms for lunch today and i was 84 2 hrs later. i just need to be under 120. should have had more pizza. :)

AND we have a middle name... sophia!
so finley sophia hawkins, see YOU in a couple months.

phew.

so i saw the nutritionist today and to make a long story short i should just be able to eat like a normally would. for some reason i just didn't trust this glucose test. it seems a little absurd to me, so i did a little experiment myself. i would NEVER eat that much in sugar and carbs, so i got my monitor, starting testing and ate normal for a couple days. and voila, my numbers are great. basically they want you under 120 2 hrs. after you eat. my range as been 85-100 with me eating like a would with just minor tweaks. like last night i had a huge bowl of pasta but skipped the roll. apparently i should have eaten the roll b/c i was 88 after. THAT i feel is more accurate. so i think the test is a crock :) and asked the nutritionist about it. i guess b/c i do normally eat pretty good my usual diet will still work. i need to eat more on a schedule (easy enough) and she said it's trial and error when it comes to what my body can handle. she gave me a set meal plan-- broken down to how many servings of carbs, protein, fat, etc. for every meal, but after she saw my numbers for the past few days basically told me i didn't have to follow it. phew. measuring seemed like a real pain. granted, if i had crazy numbers i would have done it. something just didn't feel right about it all, so i'm glad i tried it my way. i figured if my numbers were outrageous with a normal day that would prove that yes, kara, you do in fact need to watch EVERY little thing you eat. i just wasn't buying it.

i did lose a lb from 2 weeks ago and the nutritionist said that's actually pretty normal after you find out you have this b/c people "freak out." yea, that was me. she definitely wants me gaining more weight (since i started out underweight i should gain 30-40 lbs--yea, right) about a lb a week which would put me at about 27 lbs. she was putting me on a 2000 calorie a day "diet" but she's letting me eat what i want. i go back in 2 weeks and take another look. sometimes as the pregnancy goes along your body has a harder time, so we'll see. if my numbers are still could maybe i would only have to test once or twice a day, and maybe eventually just when i feel like i need to.

then i saw dr. patronella, who says i'm growing perfectly, fin's heartbeat was great, my blood pressure was great and she's not worried at all that finley's getting too big. so all in all, good news. i feel a huge sense of relief (this has been in the back of my head since last week) and just want to make sure i'm doing the best for finley. but i also really want a cupcake at my shower this weekend. pair a carb with a protein so a cupcake and a couple pieces of cheese should do the trick. :)

ugh.

well 3 hrs, 4 pricks and one terribly disgusting glucose drink later come to find out i do in fact have gestational diabetes. i had a feeling since the beginning that for some reason i would have this. it's almost funny (almost) that i've NEVER had to watch what i eat in my 27 years of living. i've been extremely fortunate to be able to eat whatever i want and now is the time that everyone says "you get to eat whatever you want! you're eating for 2!" i actually can't. like i said, almost funny. i've done some research about it and it's really not the end of the world, it's just a little overwhelming at the moment. the risk is that i'll have a big baby. weird, huh? i mean for me it's kinda weird. i don't fit any of the criteria for people at risk except that i'm over 25 (excessive weight gain? nope. history of diabetes in the family? nope. obese? nope). it does not mean she will have diabetes or that i still will after she's born. all should be back to normal once she comes. and when i was leaving the doctor's office here is a conversation i had with the receptionist:

receptionist: "so did you pass?"
me: "nope"
r: "really?? you look like the poster for health. so thin and in shape. i can't believe it!"
me: "yep, just not my day."
r: "wow."
at this point i almost jumped over the counter. clearly she couldn't tell i had just cried in front of the nurse so i don't need her to tell me how surprising this is.

i'm only letting myself sulk for the afternoon. then i'll snap out of it. we've got way too many other things to be thankful for to let this bug me this much. it sucks, yes, but there are certainly worse things. there's nothing i did to cause this. i know this, i just need an afternoon to be mad. i told erin it's my karma for having such a smooth pregnancy thus far.

so i have to change my diet a bit (eat quite a few small meals throughout the day instead of just 3 big ones) and check my blood sugar 4 times a day. i see the nutritionist on tuesday for more details. till then i keep track of what i'm eating and she'll show me how to check my sugar. after reading about it and see what's recommended to eat it's actually not that different from what i already eat. i was actually trying to eat better with her anyways, now it's just a matter of really paying attention to it. and cut out sweets. you know i love me some sweets, but i'll do anything to make sure she's as healthy as possible. somebody just make sure to get me a big bag of reeses for after. and not like the minis, the real reeses. i already told brandon to make sure he gets some cadbury eggs for me to have after.

i can handle this for the next 10 weeks.

PB.

PB= pregnancy brain. this should be a real diagnosis. doctors should warn you that you will turn into a stranger. a stranger who is unorganized, forgetful, and ditsy. I pride myself at work that I remembe EVERYTHING about my kids. Who's allergic to what, who doesn't get along with who, who rides what bus, who's mom wants to hear every detail about everything, where I put something 5 seconds ago, you get the drift. this year i'm like another person. it's so bad even a couple administrators have said something to me. not like in a bad way, just "kara, that's not like you." don't worry, i'm still completely capable of being charge of a room full of 6 year olds, but thank goodness they keep me on track.

there was also the time i thought my car was completely broken in the driveway and had a friend come pick me up and bring me to work. only to discover that my car just needed gas. i've NEVER missed the light that comes on.

and the other day tamara had to convince me that i am in fact 27 years old. she's only a few days older than me, but i still didn't believe her. who does that?

several people had told me that my brain will not return to me. eh, i'll get used to it.